Mormons back new gay rights laws in SLC

The Associated Press reports that Salt Lake City passed civil rights protections for sodomites in housing and employment with the full backing of the LDS church. Michael Otterson, spokesman for the Mormons, who literally pulled their doctrine out of a hat, said, "The church supports these ordinances because they are fair and reasonable and do not do violence to the institution of marriage."

That's right, queers, you have the right to work and have a place to live, but once you clock out or retire, or die, you and your family are on your own. The home that you and your partner spent your entire working lives to afford and maintain can still be taken away from the surviving partner by your bigoted family who rejected you years ago, when one of you dies. But no matter, you'll probably lose your home anyway, because you can't collect social security, pension or other retirement survivor benefits, because marriage is a sacred contract between a man and his wives.

But what do we care? We'll just retroactively convert you to Mormonism after you're dead anyway, so eventually, you'll see things our way. We'll do the same to your surviving partner once they kick too, then we'll all be one big happy family.